If you are getting divorced in Hamilton County Circuit or Chancery Court, then you need to get familiar with the concept of mediation, particularly if you have children.        If you have disagreements over your parenting plan, you will be required to attend mediation with your spouse before you can go to trial.     

What is mediation?  Mediation occurs when two parties involved in a conflict sit down with a neutral third party to try to resolve their disputes.   The mediator has absolutely no stake in the outcome of your case, but should be someone that is familiar with divorce law in Tennessee as well as local practice.    

What if I feel that mediation with my spouse is futile?   Although emotions may be running high during a divorce and you may feel that mediating your case is futile, you will be forced to try it.    And quite frankly, the bottom line is that any resolution you can come to with your spouse will always be your best outcome.    You can never predict what will happen in Court.       The Judges in Hamilton County Chancery and Circuit Court do not know the complete story of your marriage as you do.     And it is important to remember that this person sitting across from you at the mediation table is someone you once gave vows to and hopefully, is someone you once loved.      And particularly if children are involved, think about them.    It would be in their best interests for you and your spouse to resolve the divorce as amicably as possible so that your children do not suffer more than they need to.  Children are very intuitive and can pick up on your conflict.    Keep the peace for them.
   
How should I prepare for a mediation?   You should make a list of your non-negotiables as well as your negotiables.     There may be certain things you refuse to compromise on, and that is ok.   But realize as you go in to the mediation that if you cannot make an agreement and decide to take your case to court, you lose ALL control of the outcome.   Even though you may resist to your core giving in on certain issues, you must realize that if you go to trial, the results could be much worse.     It is also guaranteed that if you go to trial, your bank account will suffer.   And if you have children, this is money that could and should be spent on their future.       

There is a well-known adage that the sign of a good mediation is that everyone walks away unhappy.   This is true.   It is unlikely that if you reach agreement that you will be happy with all of its terms.   But that is ok.   Once your divorce is over, you will be able to start the process of healing and moving forward with the rest of your life.    This is more important than anything else.

A lot of clients get anxious about testifying in court, so here are some basic rules to follow:
1
Relax and listen carefully to the questions asked.   Most people get nervous about testifying in court. There are many reasons for that. It is a very intimidating environment. If you are not truthful on the stand, you could be held liable for perjury. Also, in all likelihood, your testimony is going to make someone upset. The key to testifying is really to stay calm and relaxed. Do not feel rushed. Attorneys are notorious for asking confusing questions to try to throw you off track. If you don't understand the question, don't answer it. Ask for clarification. Take deep breaths and slow the process down if you need to.

2
Do not Volunteer Information or Guess.   Answer only the questions that are asked by opposing counsel. Only testify regarding things you personally have knowledge about. Do not speculate or offer your opinion about something unless specifically asked. And if you don't know the answer to the question, the answer is "I don't know". If you feel pressured to give an answer and make something up, that can come back to haunt you later. If the questions are asked by your own attorney, then the questions may be more open-ended and require you to give longer answers. Your attorney should be preparing you for your testimony before trial. If you are just a witness, however, you will probably not have an attorney to prepare you.

3
Prepare for court.      In all likelihood, you will know what you are going to be testifying about. It is important that you review all relevant documents ahead of time. If you kept a calendar of important dates, bring it. The wisest choice may be to make a cheat sheet to bring to court with you of all of the relevant dates and events in the case. That way if you get on the stand and get flustered, you can use your cheat sheet to jog your memory. Most courts will allow this, although you may be required to give a copy of your cheat sheet to the other side, or it may get entered into evidence.

4
Dress Appropriately and Keep your Cool.    You may not realize it, but part of your testimony on the stand is your personal appearance and demeanor. Both Judges and juries will be judging your credibility. It is important to show respect for the seriousness of court proceedings by dressing appropriately. Most courts have specific rules regarding a dress code, but even if they don't, it is inappropriate to wear things like tank tops, muscle shirts, and shorts. The best way to approach your clothing is to dress like you were heading to a business meeting or to church. Regarding your credibility and appearance, it is also inappropriate to use foul language in court. If you lose your temper or argue with attorneys, your testimony will lose its power. The way you present yourself in court is important at all times, even when you are not testifying.